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Article: 07-2005
Teaching Your Wife
to Shoot
By: Vicki Farnam
Note: Vicki
Farnam is an accomplisher author and firearms trainer who has been teaching men
and women to shoot for almost 20 years.
She has pioneered teaching techniques and developed solutions to the
unique problems that women have in becoming competent shooters. Vicki’s recently published book, “Teaching
Women to Shoot: A Law Enforcement Instructor’s Guide” sets the standard for
enhancing an instructor’s teaching skills.
“How can I get my wife (please read as sister, daughter,
girlfriend, mother, friend) to go to the range and go shooting with me? How can I get my wife get a concealed carry
permit to carry when she driving alone late at night?” These and variations of these questions are
ones which I am asked repeatedly. If I
only had the answers! The answer is as
individual as the woman about whom the question is asked. What I am attempting with the following
article is a general answer with bits and pieces which may be of some help to
you.
Teaching your wife to shoot and then expecting her to
carry a gun for self protection is a little like providing her with the answer
to a question she never asked. Her
response to you might well be, “Why would I want to do that?” Meaning, why would I want to do either let
alone both.
The decision has to be hers. Not yours for her. She
needs to be convinced in her own mind that these are steps she should
take.
You have already asked yourself the question, “what am I
going to do to protect myself and/or my family in a world filled with danger?” You have also found the answer that works
for you. Your wife may have asked the question in her own mind and found the
answer is “you!” Or, she may have
avoided asking the question altogether.
Until your wife is the victim of or a witness to a terrifying incident,
in all likelihood she doesn’t want to think about how she would or could
protect herself.
If she has already made the decision that she is the
answer to her own protection, your question has been answered and she is out
there at the range practicing with you.
Learning to shoot a gun and then deciding to use it as a
tool for self defense are two different decisions and two different
processes. It may not have been that
way for you, but it is most likely the way most women will make
the decision, especially if they have never been the victim of a violent attack
or at the least been scared enough to want to learn to protect themselves. It
is very easy for us women to ignore, deny, shut out the possibility of danger
waiting for us out in the world. Until
it happens to us, it won’t happen to us!
We women don’t
like risk! For some women, learning to
shoot a gun is equal to taking a risk because guns are unfamiliar. It is a demanding skill with no room for
error. Some may not want to learn to
shoot unless they are sure they can be very good at it and the risk is that of
being only moderately skillful. There
is also the risk of not pleasing you or living up to what they think your
expectation is. Some may have fear of guns because they don’t know very much
about them. There was once a time when
few women learned to drive. They saw no
need, they had no desire to acquire the skill. They were content to let someone
else drive them. You probably have known a woman who never learned how to drive.
Not every woman wants to learn certain skills which may involve what they view
as risk. I’m not asking you to understand why or to agree with why this is
true, just to recognize it.
So, let’s look at
the process of teaching your wife to shoot so that she will enjoy going to the
range with you. Teaching your wife to handle a gun competently and shoot
accurately can lead to and help her make the decision, if and when she wants
to, that she can carry a gun for self defense.
Make shooting fun.
Make it interesting. Take the mystery away. Take the fear and uncertainty away with information and
directions that will build confidence. Start with a manageable caliber, 22 or
9mm in handgun or a .22 rifle or a M1 carbine.
Remember, most guns as well as most holsters are made for the average to
large size male, not your wife! If she
reaches the point that she wants her own equipment, let her choose it.
Start with an explanation about safe gun handling. Follow
that with a simple, direct explanation of how the gun works so that she will
understand when and under what circumstances the gun will fire. Explain what safety devices the gun equipped
with, but don’t drown her with engineering specifics, just the basics of the
operating system.
Start with a gun that at least comes close to fitting her
hand if it is a handgun. If you chose a rifle, be sure that it is not too heavy
for her to hold at eye level and that she can easily reach the trigger while
maintaining a proper check weld. Start
with clear, detailed step-by-step instructions that she can follow and
understand. Set achievable goals. If you must shoot at an indoor range,
understand the noise can be quite bothersome.
Give her ear plugs and muffs, her hearing is far more sensitive than
yours (and that is not just because you have been shooting for years!) If you
are outside, start with targets that are interesting, not just paper! Cans of
warm club soda, shaken so that when hit they will explode in a spray of
non-sticky soda, are great fun.
Learning to shoot
is a serious endeavor, but there should be immediate positive feedback for
success! Let her know that questions
are fine. It is difficult to ask
questions about something you know very little about. Be kind! Praise her
success and be sure to encourage her.
Some women want to be sure that they
have mastered their gun handling skills and shooting accuracy before even
thinking of carrying. However, once she has the skill and confidence, it is
very possible she will decide to learn defensive skills. But the decision will have to be hers.